Worship the hill

i promise revealing personal melodrama is on its way, but it seems my first blog act will be to worship the hill that lies a few hundred feet from my door.  this past week, i went up the hill in the daylight savings dawn to strengthen my muscles and bones and clear my head.  it works wonders.  i am up a bit later this saturday morning, but i get up at 5:30am weekdays for this ritual.  a ritual that will allow me to slough off inches of insulation i have put between me and the big scary world, between me and my own feelings.  this is the second time i will have used exercise to find myself.  the first time, i only found my physical self -- and because i was very young, it seemed like THE pinnacle was to feel sexy and attractive, wear the clothes i wanted, be a yummy mummy.  time moves on, life changes, stress and challenges arise, and the foundation of the new me crumbled.  i turned to no sleep and sugar to make it through.  old habits, time-tested habits.  and here i am, not quite back where i started, but feeling very similar feelings to the girl i was from inside the woman i have become.

now a change.  based on the solid bedrock of truly knowing myself, giving myself what i need, managing fear by being with myself in fresh early-morning air, not off in over-sugared, hollywood fantasy, if i were only skinny enough to wear le chateau land.  my pinnacle is the top of the hill, not once, but everyday one way or another.  i now know it is a daily journey, not a once or even twice in a lifetime thing -- there is no standing still, only matching dynamic life with dynamic self.

to that end, here are my beginning stats:

5'7"
chest:  38"
waist:  32"
hips:  37.5"
thigh:  24"
i don't do scales, but here i am in my size 8 lucky brand jeans, the best judges of weight in the world -- i'm guessing i'm about a size 10 right now:

keep in mind, i am sucking in -- but i believe i deserve that priviledge given that i am baring it all on the internet.  stay tuned for more bi-monthly webcam wednesdays (next up Wednesday, December 1st).  i know i will.