Werewolf night

And I went for a walk after midnight underneath a werewolf moon.  I would howl if I could, but I feel too full.  Full stomach, full head, full heart.  It has been 5 days since my last post (confession) and many days since I treated myself well.  So much worry, tension, angst, mistrust, knotted up in my insides.  Need ways to release it.  Fresh lone air under a half-moon was peace-making -- I need to make peace with the world and peace with myself.  I need to stop feeling so raw all the time; it causes me to seek buffers.  Sugar.  Yelling.  Procrastination.  I've effing said these things SO many times before.  What will make the difference this time -- the second time around??

Funnily enough it has been 10 years since I turned my life around -- holy crap, 10 years! And lately I've been on a slip slide:  sideways, backwards.  Time for, at the very least, two steps forward one step back.  To begin, release release release, by myself.  Running, howling, pacing under night skies and in early dawns.  Breathe, move, let thoughts tumble behind in my wake.  I will start with my strengths and work on my weaknesses -- I am an efficient mover, so I've been told; waiting, being still, these make up an achilles heel.  I must move. 

Moving will be my antidote to stalled ambition, overeating, worry and stress.  Anger too.  I will take it out on the night.  It has all embracing arms, dimly lit side streets that unravel as far down neighbourhoods as I care to walk, past storybook houses with spires and black trees clawing celestrial halos to shreds.  It is good to be a spectre amongst spectres sometimes: to feel lighter than air, blacker than night, colder than frozen pavement.