Climbing a hill in the dark

it is 4:12am and i've been up all night.  i am supposed to be outlining my thesis proposal.  it's a very interesting project, and yet, in the last days, i've been making little progress and spending too much time daydreaming about other things.  what is this chronic lack of focus?  i've worked almost non-stop since january 2006 to create an opportunity for myself -- and here it is. now i can't seem to feel worthy of it.  i'm afraid.  so, No.1, i will keep going no matter what.  i may be crawling today, but, like j.k., i'm a tryer.  and, No.2, i'm gonna get out on that dark hill, so conveniently near my house, an work it out.  with every breath i will think: i deserve success, "it is already right here in my head".  it may be cheesy, but it's what this mind/body/soul trapped in her 6 year old self needs to think and feel.  i need to hold myself right now, like i hold my own kids, until i grow out of judging myself. 

now, personally, i eschew all manner of vague self-help talk, but sometimes you just have to walk the walk -- and follow it with some kick-ass push-ups at four in the morning.  i am training for triumph.