His silence

His silence and inaction make me furious.  I don't know why anger is almost the first thing I feel.  Let's see if I can go back before that emotion -- uh huh, desperation.  Desperation is probably a split second before.  I am a complete mess. How can someone who made me feel the best I've ever felt now make me feel the worst I've ever felt?  How can I love and hate him at the same time?  Can I find a way to shoot my disappointment in the head, like the narrator in Fight Club?  Can I ever forgive him, can I ever forgive myself?  When did it all go wrong?  What was the action, when was that moment, can I please be granted my wish to go back in time so we can fix it?   

I wonder when I will hear from him...I'm going to take a guess that it will be after New Year's...