Anchor

He has provided me with an anchor -- it is called a talk about our futures, respective and combined, this Wednesday.  I broke down and called him last night to demand to know when I might hear from him.  We both sounded emotional.  He said he wanted this time for us to be away from each other completely to allow us to be clear when we talk -- I reminded him that that works for him and only to an extent for me.  Some space helps to clear my brain, but past a certain point I need a touchstone or I go spinning out of the known universe.  I needed that short call with him, no matter what happens next week.  It is amazing the effect on my nervous system.  Just hearing his voice and knowing when I will be in contact again, I can concentrate, I can breathe easier, I feel some hope for life again.

So, we will decide in the new year...